Happy 4th!!! oh, and dont forget to wear condoms!

Happy 4th of July, our Independence Day, our birth, our right to say fuck the man and stand up for our right to say whatever the fuck we want. So thank you good ol' America for being such a contrived and convoluted system of rules and perceptions that we can be offended by anything and everything and act in any asshole kind of way that we feel we must. Thank you America for being able to supply us with any kind of garbage fast food that we need and at the same time tell us how fat we've gotten.

I salute you America for giving me the ability to sue for whatever the hell reason I see fit and for teaching us the real meaning of bailout. For all the great things you've given me with the freedom and liberty that is only really available here cause without it I dont think I would be able to say thank you and fuck you in the same blog post without getting arrested.

So Thank you America, now Fuck off! ;-)

Things Ive Learned...

Ive been gone from this blog a while, I know. I had all but given up on this blog. But I havent completely disappeared from the blogosphere because for those of you who know, I have another BLOG for creative writing. Thats where Ive been spending most of my blogging time these days. But Im back now.

Things Ive learned in the time Ive been gone:
-Dont text while taking a crap.
-Dont text while talking to me.
-Always say whats on your mind except of course, when your mind has been off for the past three days.
-Eating chinese food as a hangover remedy gives me gas that would knock out the devil himself.
-I actually did knock out the devil himself, his name was Bernardo.
-Leave Keg stands up to the professionals.
-Juggling multiple romantic interests is like a full time job. I gotta stop doing that.
-Women are evil except of course, when they're not PMS'ing.
-Planning for the weekend on a monday never goes according to plan on the weekend.
-People are stupid.
-I will only text while driving if I dont feel like talking to you.
-Answer your damn phone, texting sucks.
-Kids these days dont have a vocabulary. *sigh

Mental Masturbation

Ah, the new fad. Twitter. The purest form of narcissism this side of Narcissus. Yeah, thats real, look it up.

Twitter has become quite the fad that even celebrities and important figures are doing it. Hell, athletes are tweeting during half time at their ball games. "Its half time and we are getting beat. My balls are really sweaty right now also but the coach is asking for more. I gotta step up, I gotta have drips of sweat dripping from the crack of my ass or tonight was just a complete disappointment."

Its interesting to see how quickly addicting this tweet phenomenom has become because I find myself even reading tweets and enjoying some where I suddenly have the urge to jizz out a quick thought from mental masturbation onto a new tweet profile but I refuse to conform to another fad.

It took me years to finally get a facebook profile and thats because friends had to make me one by force. And I absolutely hate MySpace and texting is something I find myself doing more and more even though I have issues with it.

I refuse to conform to another fad. Plus, I think tweeting is absolutely the epitomy of mental masturbation. Rubbing some thoughts the right way till quick climax and then shooting a load of cerebral jizz right into the cerebellum of unsuspecting victims and passing out pearl brain-necklaces.

Get Ready for the Money Shot and Enjoy all that Brain Jizz.

A.A.

Hello my name is Armando and Im an Asshole. Yes, before I would deny it, go on binges of ass-hatery and be hilarious at the cost of anothers dignity because Im an Asshole. I would spend long nights chugging down the insults and spewing them back up at the end of the night all over people and children too; trying the next morning to remember which joke was the funniest. Trying to fill the void that was within me with hilarity.

I used to think it was funny to laugh at people......still do kinda. But I have found the error of my ways at the bottom of a bottle. I came to realize I am an asshole and the first step to recovery is admitting the problem and now I must accept it.

I would try mixed insults and sometimes they wouldnt sit well so I would chug a tried and true insult just to set myself level and forget. I would down them without tasting them and without consequence to myself without realizing what I was doing to the people around me. Was I too asshole-ish to drive myself home, of course not but I was too asshole-ish to be around people sometimes. After spewing chunks of insult hilarity I would resume into convos. without remorse because Im an asshole.

Hi, my name is Armando and Im an Asshole. I am admitting I have a problem........................what the hell am I doing?! I love being an Asshole.

....waiting

What is it about waiting that sucks? What is it about life that makes every second an exercise in continual movement toward the next moment? Its always about moving to the next moment. Its always about looking forward and looking back and looking at right now, its always about where this moment leads. What if its all about being small enough that we're frozen in time as a speck of thought forever forgotten? Like the stars we look up in wonderment where we hope and feel and see the delicate elegance in those soft specks but are so small and far that they will always be frozen as an insignificant thought until we need them.

So what is it about waiting that sucks? Its because we are always looking for the next moment, be it looking forward or back, where right now is never because never always happens when youre waiting.